Very Serious Career Dog

Dear Diary,
I've been taking my new job at Penny Paws Petcare very seriously and helping Mum get some clients as much as I can. Of course I'm great at initiating play with potential clients and then it's up to mum to seal the deal with human who owns my new friend. But recently I took on a huge job. I had to be the spokes-model for Penny Paws at the great big Pet Expo we had in Christchurch! Luckily for me a special delivery arrived from my lovely friend Maria at Walk Me This Way so I looked fantastic with my gorgeous leads, collars and bandana!

This was quite a Big Deal. The expo had thousands and thousands of people come through and Mum couldn't be there because she had some sort of wedding thing to go to and was abandoning me (again!) Lucky for me that I was staying with my favorite aunty Aurora from Pet Care Services. She's part of a group of clever ladies who make up Pet Solutions and they have all sorts of great services.

Anyway Mum took me there and I helped set up stalls by being cute. Then I got Mum in trouble because I wanted to have a walk round and we went and looked at all the fun cats. The cat ladies didn't really like me being there even though I was super quiet and nice and most of the cats were bigger than me! So unfair.

Soon it was time to go to work and I started schmoozing all the people. I was super friendly to everyone and let all the children and adults hold me and gave them lots of snuggles. I had my photo taken about a million times and gave out lots of kisses. At one point I needed a wee break from all the snuggles so when the lovely ladies weren't paying attention I made a quick dash to see my lovely friends the Leonburgers who were just round the corner. I was so fast that I managed to get through the thick forest of legs and make in into the cage with two of the big bears and burrow into their lovely warm fur for a nap. I didn't burrow deep enough though and it was back to work with me.

I also was a good model for the groomers. They breed miniature sausages too, but they are lovely smooth reds. I liked them lots. This one looks so much like my lovely friend in the UK Lottie it is amazing! And I really like the big floppy bassett hound that was there. He was funny.

I did all this stuff for two days and when Mum arrived to pick me up I was so exhausted from all my hard work and so pleased to see her that I immediately fell asleep on her shoulder. She's so nice to sleep on. Thanks so much Aurora and Els and Chrissy and Annabel and Jo and Becky. I had a great time! You all should go and check their websites, they are all linked from Penny Paws!

Oh, by the way, Penny Paws has a special offer till the end of April - don't miss out!

Friday *Date Morning*

Dear Diary,

What an awesmazing day it has been today! This morning I went on a date with my gorgeous boyfriend Louie Lord von Houndlinghausen. Being aristocratic and of slightly more years than me (only 56 dog ones!) he appreciates a gentle stroll rather than a full on romp. 

I still love him though and of course greeted him with kisses.

I suspect the other dogs are whispering behind my back that I'm actually a gold digger because of the age difference, but people need to remember that I too am aristocracy and a lady and the only digging I do is when I'm on the hunt for nefarious badgers.

Anyway, Lord Louie really knows how to look after a lady and watches out for me and very discretely leads me into the bushes when there is opportunity. I like that in a man. 

And best of all Louie (as I call him) understands my loving friendly nature and is happy to keep our relationship open so he isn't at all jealous when I go racing around with Cooper or tussling with Mav.

The only issue I had on our walk was my mother! Really she is becoming quite intolerable. Yes it was a hot day. Yes all the big dogs were swimming. Yes I was hot BUT it is NOT necessary to dump me in the spa pool! I don't like swimming. yes I did feel better after, but that is not the point. 

Then even worst we had to go to work! What what what? I haven't had to be in my Penny pen for aaagggeesss. It was so boring! Lucky she made up for it later. We went back out to my favourite park and Mum and I met our first client. His name is Monty and he's 17 weeks old and stupendously cute! 

He's a bit of a shy boy initially, but he's great fun to play with once he gets going! And he's really fast. Mum ended up taking lots of photo's of grass because he's so quick. I'm so looking forward to going walking with him! 

When I got home there was a parcel for me in the mailbox from my wonderful Aunty Donna in Oztraila. She's so awesome! She sent me this super cute pink hoodie. 

I have to admit I'm really a bit of a nudist and don't even like wearing my collar, so I did kinda of put up a fight getting it on. And I did kind of try and get it off me for a while. But I do look amazing in it and Mum says when it's a bit colder I'll really appreciate the extra warmth. Plus it's from an amazing shop called Peter Alexander and he makes the bestest eva Penny things (and has very good taste in both dogs and names). You should all go check out http://www.peteralexander.com.au/shop/en/peteralexander and you too can look as gorgeous and stylish as me! 

I guess we all have to make sacrifices to look good. I wonder if Lord Louie will like me in my new top?

Thursday *Schooling Ole Baby Face*

Dear Diary,

Remember how I said that Baby Face Frank was a big gentle honey to play with? Well that's all changing and he's become a big stompy monster (still stupidly cute though). He's also turned into a cunning play fighter as you can see in this photo of him chewing my leg off!

So I'm having to school him in some manners! Being a big lump of a thing I have use fairly strict methods with Frank. Firstly I need him to understand that being on top all of the time (and munching on young ladies necks) is not good manners.

To do this I employ the ever successful ear chomp. Those big black velvety ears are perfect for a gentle nibble or a strong reprimanding bite if the play gets out of hand.

Sometimes a two on one ear chomp is necessary and Cooper is often on hand to help me with this.

If the ear chomp doesn't quite get through to Frank that I am in fact in change then it can be necessary to bring out the muzzle gnaw.

This only works on dogs that have a nose to chew on, like my mate Hunter, but my dear little friend Milly is immune (and she knows it).

Once the muzzle chew has been deployed I find there is a much friendlier and more submissive Frank for me to play with. Over time he has learned that when I say enough it is my turn to be on top and I of course take full advantage of the situation.

While Frank is beginning to learn good manners with me, he still has some way to go with the other distinguished sausages in our gang. Only I'm allowed to use Kaiser as a step stool or launching ramp, Frank is far to big!

The only time I don't like playing with Frank is when he's been galumphing around in the spa pool. He loves the water, which I don't really understand. He clambers in and out of the pool with the big dogs and even likes having it poured on him. What a weirdo.

The worst thing is when he's wet he soaks me! That is really not manners at all. I guess there's not really much I can do about that though, unless I employ a towel boy to dry Frank off before he plays with me? Hmmmm, something to think about there.

Tuesday *A Dachshund's Guide to Visiting your Friend's House*

Dear Diary

Correct etiquette when visiting someone else's home is very important, or your human will get all silly and growly and you might offend your chums.

When first arriving it is extremely important that you announce that it is you by barking and yelling as loud as possible. This will let your chums know that it is you arriving and not some border incursion by evil badgers and their minions. 

Once your chums know you are there they will return your greeting with gusto and the formal invitation into the house will be given. To humans this probably seems the same as other barking, but it is our secret language to ensure that no spy from the badger camp is admitted into a friend's house.

Once inside there are different rules for different members of the household. Firstly my favorite sort of chum, the gentleman of the household (note, this only applies to female visitors, male visitors must wait for the female of the house to initiate). If the gentleman of the house wishes to welcome you into his home by having his wicked way with you it is important (and fun) that you comply. It would be rude to do otherwise. This is the most affectionate of greetings and should be carried out away from humans who just don't get it and will try and break it up. It is important not to carry it out ON the humans, that seems to particularly distress them - sensitive souls.

At the home I visited last night there are two gorgeous girls, one is a wise older woman. When dealing with your elders try not to jump all over them if they seem reserved. The elderly dog deserves you respect and ear pulling and pushing over are not manners. If the elderly dog wishes to play he or she will come to you and they will tell you in no uncertain terms when they are finished. 

It may be that there are shy dogs at the home you are visiting. You must not scare the shy dogs and you should try not to be grumpy if they tell you to go away with lots of barking. Just play with your other chum(s) and every now and then check on the shy dog. With time she (or he) will learn that you are fun and will stop shouting and want to play.

Now for some very very important advice. It is possible that the house you are going to will have cats! I know it is shocking. Obviously you need to put those cats in their place and teach them that you are the boss. However your human and the house human(s) will not like this at all. You need to learn to be sneaky and wait till the humans aren't looking before barking at (and if you are lucky chasing) the cats. Do not get caught, especially more than once, or you will be taken home and called a bad dog. Be warned though, some cats do not understand that they are below us and will attack you with their ninja death claws. It is a risk we all have to take. 

Finally before playtime can commence you'll need to run around and check the house for badger surveillance equipment (and any yummy dead flies) that might have been missed by the occupants. This is very good manners and one of the reasons sneaky badgers have not yet got the upper hand with us! 

Then it is play time and I think we all know how that works.

When it is time to leave be polite and say goodbye nicely. A few licks and quiet grumbles will suffice. And that is that. Another successful play date.