Monday *Why I don't like the Cat*

Dear Diary

Today was boring. Of course I did my best to entertain myself while Mum was useless, but mainly I was just bored. I tried to get Mum's attention by bringing my new loooooooong stick in the house, but she didn't mind. Spoilsport. 

I tried get her attention by taking various inside things outside, but she just lay there. I even tried digging up her precious tomato plant, but I just got put in jail. Poop.

Anyway what really bugged me today was the cat, so I thought I would explain why I think he's a dick.

1. He bosses Mum and Dad around. I can't believe the cheek of him. He'll come swanning home (does that mean he swims or flies?) and start yelling at Mum and Dad. They must immediately go upstairs with him and either turn on the shower so he can have a drink or go to bed. It doesn't matter what time it is. 2 o'clock in the afternoon, everyone (except me of course) has to go to bed so he can have a nap.

Which brings me to number 2. He gets to sleep on Mum and Dad's bed! What! I'm not even allowed in their bedroom and he gets to sleep on their bed. So unfair. I'm not sure why he's allowed when he always wakes Dad up at 5am and demands food (see number 1). Mum told me that he puts his paw on Dad's eye and slowly extends his claws till he get what he wants. I'd be in jail for the rest of my life if I tried that.

3. He makes Mum bleed. One of the things he demands is pats (I can understand that), but if the pats are too short, too long, or in the wrong place on his body he deals out the claw filled whacks. There's no warning, and sometimes he sets traps just so he can give you whacks. He's tried it with me a few times, lying on his back exposing his belly. Mum says it is the softest fur ever, but no one can touch it without losing skin.

4. He's far too fussy. He can only be patted on the forehead, in front of his ears, on his cheeks and under his chin. Sometimes he'll let Mum pat his front paws and his chest, but that is risky. I think he should be grateful for any pats like I am, where ever they are. 

5. He won't play with me. I know he likes to play. I've seen him chasing grass, chasing his tail, chasing his toys, but he won't play when I want to. He won't chase me and he won't let me chase him. Sometimes he whacks me when I'm too insistent on playing. I don't care. I'm going to keep trying till he plays.

6. He worries Mum and Dad. Sometimes he goes away for a long time, like a whole day and that worries Mum. Sometimes he hides in the clothes cupboard upstairs and no one can find him and he gets locked in and that worries Mum and Dad. Sometimes he gets in fights with other cats and has to go to the vet because he gets sick and that worries Mum and Dad lots. I don't like it when they are worried.

So that's why I think that black cat is a dick. I'm sure you agree with me, but Mum and Dad don't. They love him just as much as me, even though he's mean to them or just lies around sleeping all day. 

Also he's secretly evil!